07 Jan 2014 Trend: The Onion Pokes Fun At Beauty Regimens In Phony News Story: Woman Overdoses On Lotion
Leave it to The Onion to satirically comment on how excessive the price of beauty can be. Here at BeautyStat, we can’t stop laughing at the Girlfriend Overdoses On Lotion article published today.
According to fictitious reports, 26-year-old Caroline Nagler suffered from an overdose of scented lotions. Her boyfriend found her unconscious in her bed, “surrounded by dozens of empty bottles of daily moisturizers, anti-wrinkle treatments and hydrating balms, suggesting an acute level of lotion toxicity.”
Cocoa butter: more harmful than we thought!
The reports go on to say that doctors discovered “high levels of Olay and Jergens in her system.” Describing her insensate condition as having extremely glossy lips, “glossier than they have ever seen.” She also inhaled dangerous amounts of cocoa butter and eucalyptus fumes for over 45-minutes, leaving her with “dangerously supple” skin. Here are some of our favorite quotes from the phony news story:
“One more Buf-Puf of jasmine serum and it would have been too late.”
“Caroline didn’t do this to herself on purpose—she just didn’t know her limit,” distraught boyfriend Eric Klein told investigators.
“Oiling up too quickly vastly increases the risk of internal organ failure, or worse.”
“Your life is worth more than having silky-smooth skin, no matter how soft and luxurious it might feel.”
Are you beauties one step closer to “overdosing” on your beauty regimens? CONFESS!
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